Anxiety is a topic that gets a lot of attention these days. It seems that every other podcast, book, article, or post from an influencer has to do with anxiety and how to cope with it.
In our work at ILS, we help business leaders learn how to make sense of emotions like anxiety and give them tools to lead authentically and productively as they become less reactive to the situations that occur.
This is where we focused our attention during facilitation of our most recent Next Gen Leaders Group at The Conway Center for Family Business. Learning to think about anxiety in a different context gave us room to talk about the things that are causing the most angst in our family businesses, and to learn about how to do more than cope with anxious thoughts and feelings.
We started by talking about the positives. Being a part of leadership within a family business presents some unique benefits and opportunities. In dealing with anxiety, it’s important to start reminding ourselves and each other what those benefits are. Our Next Gen members discussed how helpful it is that we have a direct line of communication with our family members who started and are currently leading the business. Knowing that we can go directly to “the boss,” who also happens to be our dad, mom, aunt, grandfather, or uncle, is a great encouragement. These are people we grew up with, people who know us and want us to succeed above all else. We can learn firsthand from their experiences and gain from their wisdom. More than just wanting the business to do well and overcome sticky situations, they want us to grow and take our place in the family line. While we know they care greatly about all their employees, it’s doubly so for those of us in the family, and that adds a level of psychological safety that can’t be found in a non-family run business.
Secondly, there are certain levels of trust that exist in a family business because of the closeness of relationships and sense of pride and ownership within the family. Knowing that our family members in positions of leadership have our backs gives us greater confidence in taking risks and making difficult decisions. These benefits help in lowering the anxiety we feel around the ins and outs of the family business.
From there we moved on to how we might overcome anxiety, and we started with a question:
What if there was more to anxiety than unwelcome thoughts and uncomfortable emotions?
That allowed our Next Gen Leaders to explore the idea that anxiety can be a great teacher. Anxiety indicates what we care about most and highlights that there’s work to be done in those areas of our life and business. If we weren’t anxious at all we might not pay attention to the things that keep our business alive and growing. In that sense, anxiety begins to take on a different feel.
So how can we begin to gain mastery over it? The answer is by asking different questions. The truth about anxiety is that when anxiety shows up it’s trying to tell us something. It triggers thought processes that occur at a subconscious level. By choosing to pay closer attention to those processes we can unhook anxiety’s pull on us to be reactive, and, instead, we can use it to access different thinking skills which lead us to creative and productive problem solving.
In our previous session, we explored the power of curiosity. This is where we can put that into practice, with great payoffs. When we start feeling anxious about something, we can begin to get curious about it. We move from asking things like, “Why am I so anxious?” to “What is this anxiety trying to teach me?” This activates a different part of our brain than the one causing anxious feelings. Curiosity moves us into the same part of our brain that allows us to see possibility, experience joy, and learn new skills. When we approach those anxious situations from this vantage point, we see what’s beyond, or behind the anxiety. We gain access to parts of our mind that may have been shut down in the past, or which we’ve never allowed in because of limiting beliefs. In other words, asking ourselves different questions about anxiety moves us out of the places we’ve gotten stuck in the past and into places where growth and transformation can occur. When we learn to do this more and more, anxiety becomes a gateway rather than a dead-end. Instead of seeing it as an unwelcome emotion, we begin to see it as a harbinger of new ideas and creative solutions.
Anxious thoughts may not be welcome thoughts. They come with uncomfortable emotions and unwanted reactions. If we can receive those differently, we can begin to learn from anxiety rather than spending our energy trying to avoid it. And being a part of the family business creates extra benefits to help guide us through anxious situations with the people we care about most, leading us to greater possibilities and more creative outcomes.
Mike O’Donnell
Executive Coach
Leadership Consultant
Integrated Leadership Systems
If you are a next generation family business member who is interested in topics that address leadership roles in your family-owned business, please join us at these monthly meetings. Contact Amy at adotts@familybusinesscenter if you have any questions about this group.