This may be one of the hardest decisions to make when you are part of a multi-generational family business, especially if you have a C-Suite or leadership position, are an owner, shareholder, or all three. But it does happen.
For many, this is an unfathomable crossroads and one you may believe is impossible. Questions keep you up at night about damaged family relationships, the potential cost to the family legacy, having to choose between your own well-being and your family. There may be cultural pressures at play about the meaning of family, loyalty, or legacy. The pressure can feel immense, and you may feel that you have no choice but to stay, meanwhile becoming more and more unhappy.
So, what can you do when you discover that this is the best thing for your mental health, physical health, and your relationships with family members, including the “married ins” and your own children.
Prioritize your well-being, even when the choice feels impossible
1. Don’t stay and suffer. As much as you may feel that this is your duty, remember while your family may be upset, they also want you to be happy. If your heart's not in it, it’s not good for you or the business. It’s not selfish.
2. Plan the conversation beforehand. Get help from a coach or therapist and role-play the conversation. Practice what you want to say. Think about the best timing, the best environment, who should be there. Do whatever is in your control to set the conversation up for success.
3. Enter the conversation feeling steadfast to your commitment to yourself and don’t make assumptions about how the person or persons will react. They might surprise you. Have empathy and compassion for them hearing the news for the first time. Remember you have had time to process this, think it through, and plan, they have not. Be prepared to give them time to let it soak in. Always focus on mutual respect and a mutual purpose; the success of the business and your own happiness.
4. This may be the hardest one, but detach from the outcome. As results-oriented people, this will probably sound crazy, but you can only control so much. You cannot control the other person’s response. The first reaction may not even be where you end up. Letting go and knowing you’re being true to yourself, want the best for your family and the business, and have done everything you can to deliver the information in a compassionate and kind way is all you can do.
This is not an easy decision to make, especially when you are fully immersed in the business, but it is possible to do what is best for you, take control of how the communication is delivered, and continue to nurture those relationships.
Thank you to our friend Dr. Donna Marino for providing this valuable information.
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